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Executive Order Holds Guns Accountable

December 23, 2012
Tad Cronn
Source …..


Saying he was unwilling to let what he called a “lazy-a** Congress” go on a Kwanzaa break without doing something to end gun violence, President Obama on Friday wrote and signed Executive Order No. 57-ought-nought, demanding that law enforcement officials in all 57 states immediately arrest any and all guns believed to  be used in crimes.

“This will get those dang guns off the street,” the president remarked as he signed the order, which was written on a cocktail napkin from the Kappuhualuhannilannamaliki-aha Hotel where he, the family and their entourage of 700 personal assistants, servants, cooks and interior decorators were staying.

Some Republican critics immediately criticized the order in a critical fashion, which other Democratic critics deemed overly critical.

Nonetheless, the critics of the first part noted that the executive order was unclear on whether the president meant to say law enforcement should arrest all “guns” or “gun owners,” primarily due to a large water ring left on the order by the president’s fifth papaya-mango daiquiri of the morning.

“What the ****?” said congressman Paul Ryan, furrowing his Eddie Munster-like brow into a full vampiric scowl.

Democratic Rep. Barney Frank also commented on the new executive order, but no one could understand what he was saying above the wet, flapping sound of his jowls. His office later released a statement in which he wrote, “It’s about time we put the blame where it belongs, on the weapon, not the weapon’s user. People don’t kill people. Guns kill people.”

Former speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, when asked about the president’s executive order, jumped up and down and giggled hysterically for several minutes before saying, “I just bought a gun recycling plant last week. I can’t wait to cash that check!”

Sen. Majority Leader Harry Reid’s only comment was “Huh?” as he slipped back into a coma at his desk behind an inbox overflowing with unread budget proposals.

The executive order would also hold bullets and high-capacity magazines accountable as accessories to a crime.

Frank said he was glad that targeting scopes were exempted from criminal responsibility under the new law of the land. “Let’s face it,” Frank said, “targeting scopes are kind of gay. Therefore they must be given special consideration.”

Under the executive order, guns convicted of a crime would be melted down and turned into speculums and other probing devices for use by the TSA at airport inspection checkpoints.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. December 27, 2012 12:11 pm

    I need to know the exact number of the executive order, and if it is actually being rewritten into a document for public view. Otherwise, this is just a jumble of words, not a fact.

    • Harold permalink*
      December 27, 2012 2:41 pm

      Sorry you misunderstood. This is satire. I would have thought the language would have given it away – but most definitely the fact it was categorized and tagged as “satire”.

  2. 9mmhipchick permalink
    December 24, 2012 3:20 pm

    57 States? a coctail napkin is not an official document, but maybe now they will go after gang members and confiscate their unlawful guns.

    • upaces88 permalink
      December 24, 2012 7:01 pm

      LOL…sorry your comment is great! AND, yes 100% right!

  3. December 24, 2012 12:58 am

    We are really wasting time as usual. Children are murdering children.
    Wake up to the horror of this fact, face reality and ask our self “what on earth have we become and how did we get there?”
    Right now we should have a well regulated volunteer militia and protect the innocent. But weapons if military Wars, they are a Government business and not for sale to the public. The NRA is a Lobby and worried about profit.
    Then we should have a People discussion group with professional expert to answer question and we should go over every details of how we became such lover of violence. We should thank those movie that brought us Lincoln and Les Miserable for Christmas instead of prisons and more violence. I even miss Bing Crosby. Here are some facts deliberately used and some to extreme. This was in Econ. one in College. Dentist use soft music to relax you, as do other places. Classes in Economics thought us no soft music only wake up music to make worker work harder and faster. These are basic, work with it both ways and see where you end up. Any thing soft and gentle? or is all shaking and bombing and terrorizing from all sides and we wonder how we can stay sane?

    • 9mmhipchick permalink
      December 24, 2012 3:32 pm

      Lets not forget illegal aliens are getting elected by voter fraud and now we have one in the White House that signs an executive order while he is drunk.

      The Nra (if you watched their media response) vowed to help fund security officers, gun safety classes for school faculties ect…What has this congress (dems) do? attack gun owners rights, cut the funding for security in our nations schools the last two years which is called a SSI school security funding program.
      So I am going with the NRA, the only ones doing something about it.

    • 9mmhipchick permalink
      December 28, 2012 11:27 am

      Honestly, Erica the NRA has U.S.A self defense classes, programs and such to train people how to protect themselves. Go to their website and see what they are all about before you condemn them.

  4. upaces88 permalink
    December 23, 2012 12:26 pm

    A blogger added up the deer license sales in just a handful of states and arrived at a striking conclusion:
    There were over 600,000 hunters this season in the state of Wisconsin .Allow me to restate that number: Over the last several months, Wisconsin’s hunters became the eighth largest army in the world.
    More men under arms than in Iran . More than France and Germany combined.
    These men deployed to the woods of a single American state,

    Wisconsin, to hunt with firearms, and no one was killed.
    That number pales in comparison to the 750,000 who hunted the woods of Pennsylvania and Michigan ‘s 700,000 hunters, all of whom have now returned home safely.

    Toss in a quarter million hunters in West Virginia and it literally establishes the fact
    that the hunters of those four states alone would comprise the largest army in the world.
    And then add in the total number of hunters in the other 46 states. It’s millions more.

    The point?

    America will forever be safe from foreign invasion with that kind of home-grown firepower.

    Hunting…it’s not just a way to fill the freezer..It’s a matter of national security.

    That’s why all enemies,foreign and domestic,want to see us disarmed.

    Food for thought, when next we consider gun control.Have A Great Day!
    Overall it’s true, so if we disregard some assumptions that hunters don’t possess the same skills as soldiers, the question would still remain…what army of
    2 million would want to face 30, 40, 50 million armed citizens.


    For the sake of our freedom don’t ever allow gun control or confiscation of guns.

  5. upaces88 permalink
    December 23, 2012 12:22 pm

    Ronald Reagan: We must reject the idea that every time a law is broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.

    • 9mmhipchick permalink
      December 28, 2012 11:29 am

      PLease sign the petition to protect our firearms and Second Amendment rights at

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